While Walking through the isles of Publix Grocery Store in Miramar, FL, I met a dark skinned African American man. He had gold teeth on the top of his mouth that looked as if they needed shining and he was well overweight. His stomach hung well over his belt so low it was midway down his thighs. I don’t quite remember the first words he said to me but I remember him making me laugh. We continued our conversation as I pushed my buggy down the can good isle. He relayed to me that he recently broke up with his girlfriend of two years a few weeks ago and that he was single. I just smiled and nodded. “So.......Can I call you sometime?” He asked as we came to the end of the isle.Despite my lack of physical attraction towards him he did indeed make me laugh so I decided to give him my number. He called me shortly after I left the store but I did not pick up. The following evening he called. I hesitated to pick up but after a few rings I told myself: “Why Not?” In our 30 minute conversation he revealed many of the qualities that I look for in a man (including “wooing” me). I also realized that we had many things in common such as upscale restaurants and playing poker. “When are you going to let me take you out?” I suddenly cringed at the thought of being snuggled up against his gut in a restaurant booth eating appetizers. Apart of me grew angry because for once I had met someone whom I had so much in common with yet he was grossly unattractive to my tastes. I told him I had another call and I would call him back. Is it possible that someone you are not attracted to can grow on you or are looks just as important as personality?
15 comments:
Personality, for myself as I'd imagine for most people, is vastly more important than looks when it comes to intimate (or the possibility thereof) relationships. However, we are still animals, and while a lack of physical perfection can be embraced enthusiastically with the Personality package, I don't think anyone can expect to overcome such a hugely negative instinctual reaction as your first impression gave you. My suggestion: be up front - tell him you're looking for friendship, and revel in your shared interests. :)
Looks are most definitely just as important as personality. I once dated a man who was EVERYTHING I could have ever asked for in a man, but I just wasn't physically attracted to him with. Even as time passed I could only see him as a friend. We did have sex but I just never got into our relationship. In return I ruined what would have a great friendship because I hoped his looks would grow on me... They never did.
People become attractive in your eyes only if you want them to. So yes it is possible.
I have gone with the looks I think my entire life. But after my second marriage I just and will not settle for anything else than what I want... everything I want in a man. However, I think that looks play a small part for me but that is not the only thing that I expect him to bring to my table....
i've just gone through something of the same nature. i was introduced to a friends co-worker and at first sight he wasn't what i was usally attracted to but he was decent looking.Plus what i've been attracted to seems to not be working for me so i thought i'll try something different. so we exchanged ph# and talked for a week b4 we meet for drinks, which i suggested(he didn't make the first move on anything in our short lived relationship). I realized in a few weeks that he was a good man,we had a lot of the same interest, wanted a lot of the same things in life and in a relationship,a hard worker (2 jobs) good father, somewhat dependalble, but a little needy and i also realized that he was completly emasculated by his ex-wife. He had no back bone and then the cherry on top was that his sex was not good. I tried to look pass a few of these things, but after a couple of months i realized that this is not where i want to be. I could have gotten pass the lack of phyical attraction, but the lame conversation, lack of a backbone, and the bad sex i couldn't look pass that. I needed for him to man up, but i see that wasn't happening when he let me run over him. (I invited him to a home cooked dinner in the beginning, but after we had sex for the 2nd time i wouldn't let him come to my apt. anymore and when he dropped me off after a date i never let him come up, in my book after a 2 or 3 times a real man would have asked why and he never did, he just let me run everything. i needed him to man-up and he didn't. and at 44 years old, i didn't want to have to teach no grown man how to sex me(telling him what i like and how i like it is no problem, but this man had no game at all and that I WILL NOT tolerate. So i do not feel quilty about the lack of visual and physcial attraction.
You know that was alot of bad combined. A man without a backbone is a turnoff. I for one am AGAInst bad sex. I know some people say work with it teach him but after a man is over a certain age I think he should at least have a clue.
Yes, looks do play a role. Because we are trained as humans to like what is attractive to us..As kids we learn that "oh that's pretty and "I like this or that" so we will definetly seek those same interest in another person. So yes...disappointing enough we pass on a person that isn't eye candy or do-able to us because look re important. Personality minus the looks is tolerable if u can manage but overall lack of looks can be the only mishap...u can't have many more...You can't be non-attractive, good personality and bad sex...Nah I think I might accept a dog ugly guy that's a tiger in the bedroom anyday...
Society has you thinking that looks is everything but what we forget about it is what counts in the inside which at the end is what you really need. I actually took the chance and started dating someone that looked different from the men that I would normally dated. At the end I was the one head of heels for him he took care of all my needs and was always on top of whatever that made me happy not to mention my everyday foot rubs when I got off of work, to the weekly roses that I got from him for the just because I want to show you that I love you days. Others be like oh he ugly I looked beyond all that. What matters at the end is my happiness. I have dated good looking brothers that can't even touch him with a ten foot pole but trust me his far from good looks made up in other places plus his a very good dresser the both of us loves to shop and eat.
I've dated both...the good looking ones, and the not so good looking ones with good qualities. The not so good looking ones with good qualities win hands down. The good looking ones were always too busy reminding me how good looking they were, the not so good looking ones were busy telling me how good looking they thought I was.
One of my biggest pet peeves, people who are conceited. Those who say they are convinced...it's the same thing.
THE FUNNY THING IS I DNT EVEN LIKE OVERLY ATTRACTIVE GUYS TO ME IT'S A TURN OFF I LIKE A LITTLE BIT OF UGLY. IN FACT I DONT MIND MAYBE A LITTLE PUDGE IF HE IS WELL DRESSED. HOWEVER, I JUST FIND IT HARD TO PICTURE THE SEX WITH SOMEONE I AM NOT ATTRACTED TO.
I agree with everything Djkitty said.....
I agree with everything Djkitty said.....she said it 1st!
I would not want to have sex with someone who wasn't really attracted to me, so i wouldn't have sex with someone I wasn't attracted to. But, looks aren't the most important thing in a man, it's more about their total essence or energy that attracts me. A man can be good looking but if he is seriously hung up on his looks NAAAAH. I'm sure some men feel that way about women, but some could get right past that in the short run. :D
YOU ARE RIGHT A MANS PERSONALITY CAN MAKE UP FOR HIS LOOKS........... THAT IS IF HE IS RELATIVELY DECENT.
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